Stevil Kinevil

Occasional racer of the bicycle.

Career highlights:

1992-94 ‘Urban Cyclocross series’ Oakland, California. First place. After this, things only went downhill.

1996 CMWC, I raced real good, but still wasn’t the world’s fastest bicycle messenger. Oakland’s Twilight criterium series. I got my ass handed to me. Ring of Fire, Occidental California. *I really wanted to nap in some ferns, but I finished instead*.

A whole bunch more that year, *see above.

1997 Oakland’s Twilight criterium series. I got my ass handed to me.

A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

1998 Implemented ‘dollar primes’ at the Presidio’s Cyclocross Nationals.

A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

1999 See above, except for that one race where there wasn’t anywhere soft to lay down, so I put the hammer down and was crowned the 25^th fastest single speeder IN THE WORLD.

2000 See above. Lost my generic peanut butter wrench at one of the races. First place one speed, Mont St. Anne, Quebec. Promptly disqualified. Never found out why because my gutter French sucks. Avoided a mid-race fight with someone at the Napa Valley Dirt Classic because my adversary ‘didn’t like punks’. I still got fourth and soundly beat his stupid ass.

A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

2001 A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

2002 A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

2003 A whole bunch more that year, also *see above*.

2004 A couple more that year, also *see above*.

2005 Retired. Still wanted to *nap*.

2006 A couple more that year, also *see above*.

2007 *See above. Spent some time upside down in a snow fence.

2008 *See above. Ruined the race for everybody.

2009 *See above. Implemented the first ‘beer hand down’. Missed my start, got disqualified, found a ‘real helmet’, finished. Also *see above*.

2010 *See above. I can’t remember any specifics. That was way too long ago.